what we need, what we have.

It is a mind-blowing concept that the God who created the universe might be looking for company, a real relationship with people. But the thing that keeps me on my knees is the difference between Grace and Karma. At the center of all religions is Karma. You know, what you put out comes back at you: an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth... every action is met by an equal or an opposite one... and yet, along comes this idea called Grace to upend all that... Love interrupts... the consequences of your actions, which in my case is very good news indeed, because I have done a lot of stupid stuff. I would be in trouble if Karma was going to finally be my judge... it doesn't erase my mistakes. I'm holding out for Grace. I'm holding out that Jesus took my sins onto the Cross, because I know who I am, and I hope I don't have to depend on my own religiosity.

-Bono, lead singer of U2

many the miles

My mind has been running a lot lately. So I decided to keep up with it.

Central Park is a runner's dream. There's an amazing lake/reservoir there called the Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis Reservoir, where a soft dirt jogging path circles around it about one and a half miles. I've been there all hours of the day, but my absolute favorite time is dusk -- our sun's final exhale that soaks all the colors from the sunset with a deep blue as if a flood had broken into the sky. I can't help but think: this happens every single day.

Within minutes, everything's gone. You could watch this performance a thousand times but never notice it leaving the stage. As we should.

Then you begin to notice the bright reflections of lit buildings, even stars, on the lake itself. I'll have to quote Forrest here because he put it best: "...it was so clear, Jenny, it looked like there were two skies, one on top of the other." And most times, I'll jog to a stop, climb up onto the metal railing and be quiet. I wonder if others do too.




This is one of the more honest things I know about life.

27 on 27

As a kid, I remember that I couldn't wait to turn twenty-seven. For the same simplistic reason why most people chose the day they were born on as their favorite number, I did too. It was during that period when kids were making a conscious effort in establishing what their favorites were, so that in the event someone asked, we'd be ready with a quick answer and a modest explanation for: numbers, colors (red, because it starts with an 'r' and shares the same amount of characters as my name), ice cream (rainbow sherbet) and ninja turtle (rafael.. 'r' again AND for his red bandana!). Note: Narcissism was forgivable at that age.

Evidently, it never once appeared as one of my lottery numbers or roulette picks. But if you're as hopeless as I am, you stick with them and hope it comes around the next time.

Except this time, someone else did the choosing for me and gave me an age that I'm not quite ready for. I feel like I should have made a bigger dent in life by now. I guess the reality is that we're going to continue to complain every single year until one day, we realize that we'd give up an arm and leg to be [insert age here] again.

So I'll give it a shot. A butterfly landed on my finger, and quite respectfully, I will try to squeeze every moment out of this.

life is too serious

So lighten up dude.

www.1000awesomethings.com

cant get out of bed today

zero nine

At first glance, 2009 is setting up to be a nondescript year. The elections are finally done with. No Olympics of any kind, nor any other significant world sporting events for that matter. As usual, work and school will resume on Monday, and as usual, the sun will rise. Nondescriptly.

Those who look forward to waking up each morning would disagree.

I can't say that I'm there yet. I don't remember the last time I looked back on a year, contently folded my hands and concluded, "You know, this was a great year." Assessing life at the end of the week? Sure, I'll be able to point to a few good ones. But yearly? No way. At least not yet. We are a very forgetful species. And as a result, we're not as thankful as we ought to be.

I think I need to never lose sight of the small, seemingly-trivial things that happen in my life. Because when you add them all up, shouldn't it explain the unrecognizable, unpredictable places we'll be at in five, ten, twenty years from now? That it's usually the small things that bring definition to the big things that happen in our lives. During the years of puberty, no one wakes up one morning and freaks out because they're suddenly five inches taller. It's never like that. It's because of the unseen, daily stretches of growth that occurs on the atomic level... and maybe we've forgotten to give enough credence to the small decisions we make everyday.

I could only summarize all this blabber with this. In the simple yet poignant words said by Brenden Foster, when asked about what he thought were the best things in life, his immediate reply: "Just having one."

Happy new year.

feeling just like

chill out, wind

Gonna have to buy that comforter sooner than later.

entertaining angels

you know..

If you were a gmail theme, you'd be Summer Ocean. 

inhale

There's something indescribably satisfying about being able to see your own breath when it's cold enough.  Like 15 degrees cold.  Even when I'm currently in the middle of Nowhere, North Dakota.

It's unbelievable how our bodies work.  I see my breath and realize that a split-second ago, it used to be something else.  Sure, a childish way of describing the Krebs cycle, respiration, etc.. but still. How effortlessly we breathe in this unseen but necessary purity and paradoxically transform it into a kind of poison, the somber truth being that without any of this taking place, we'd be dead. 

Hah. Is the parallelism I'm going with that obvious?

The Unseen will keep us alive and kicking.. even hoping.

Exhale.

pull

From xkcd:

today

For our generation, this is like watching a man step foot on the moon. This day is that enormous.

And to all those who have wondered if America's beacon still burns as bright: Tonight we proved once more that the true strength of our nation comes not from the might of our arms or the scale of our wealth, but from the enduring power of our ideals: democracy, liberty, opportunity and unyielding hope.

-Barack Obama

Proud to be an American. 

it's really autumn when..

... you see the scarves and gloves come out in full swing.

Let the season really begin.

kite

From our friends at xkcd:

It's easy to regret the awkward conversations, but hard to regret the ones you didn't have

i hate it when this happens

groan

Okay, let's lay off the AC for a little while, shall we?!

living my favorite book

Patiently waiting for my connecting flight in philly back to new york.

I tried, but I ended up surrendering to what turned out to be an utterly disgusting mushroom and swiss burger. Washed down that horrible taste with the rest of my watered-down soda while shaking my head in disappointment. I can still taste the semi-cooked mushrooms. Philadelphia = the philly cheesesteak. What was I thinking??

Made my way to the restroom. Took care of business, headed over to the sink, never noticing the other three women in the room with me until the heaviness of their prolonged stares caused me to slowly lift my eyes, meet their priceless expressions through the mirror, and realize that

There was a boy in the girl's bathroom, and that was friggin me.

Bradley Chalkers would have been proud. You Louis Sachar fans know what I'm talkin about.

Truth is so obscure in these times and falsehood so established, that unless we love the truth, we cannot know it.

-Blaise Pascal

two things to laugh about

a must-watch

Where the hell is matt?



Gurgaon, India is the best.

the shortest night

Tonight, I danced with strangers whom I will never come across again, to the playful banter of a brass band unyielding amongst drops of rain transforming.

Things are as they should. 

the longest day

Today marks this year's summer solstice, the northern hemisphere's longest day of the year during which we receive the most sunlight and when the sun lingers as long as it possibly could.

I shouldn't overstay my welcome either.

All winter we got carried
Away over on the rooftops
Let's get married

All summer we just hurried
So come over, just be patient, and don't worry
So come over, just be patient, and don't worry
And don't worry

No I don't wanna battle from beginning to end
I don't want a cycle of recycled revenge
I don't wanna follow Death and all his friends

And in the end
We lie awake, and we dream of making our escape

Coldplay - "Death & All His Friends"

ny state of mind

It's been exactly three weeks since I arrived. Unsurprisingly, it feels much, much shorter than that. Time really has no sense here, this urban bermuda, teasing us with these silly trains and cars in yellow so that we might think we have what it takes to figure out the system. Factor in the social mindset which states that by being punctual actually meant that you were "almost late," hardly anyone wins. Cat's game.

Anyway, I think it's time that I put some of my musings about the city onto paper before my brain explodes (or forgets, whichever comes first):

• My timing couldn't have been any more perfect to have come in the worst possible season. Due to the intense humidity, I might have to start wearing deodorant for the first time in my life. 

• Mexican and Korean food (at least in Manhattan) are crap. Everything else, fantastic.

• Working from home has been nice, what can I say?

• I don't think I'll ever willingly set foot in Times Square ever again.

• Before rushing out the door, I always check for my iPod before my keys. And...

• ...it's been suffocating not being able to sing outrageously to a song like I did within the comfortable confines of my car. Sing like no one's listening - yea right, try doing that in a packed subway train. The streets are a little more reasonable.

• There is so much beauty and inspiration here.

• But so much pain, kept silent and hardly shared.

• I saw a kid fall asleep in her mother's arms in the subway today. The kid actually had the most peaceful smile as she slept. Certain moments are by invitation-only, and this particular one happened to be for me. It blew me away.

• Despite Manhattan being one of the most densely populated regions in the world, I'm beginning to understand the loneliness behind it all.

• Whenever I'm in an unfamiliar place, I've still been instinctively gauging the sun's position in the sky or the north star before reading street signs to determine what direction I'm facing. I've gotten pretty squinty-eyed as a result. 

• It's a strange feeling to hear the lonesome sound of my cheering for the Lakers in sports bars that are mostly New England-fan ridden. Odd, I usually had someone to high-five. This must be what a Clippers fan feels like back in California.

• It's true - you can find anything and everything you want here.

Everything you need? I suppose only time will tell. Let's hope it doesn't settle for punctuality.

under the table and dreaming

Dear New York City,

Don't let me go until you say so.

Very truly, 

Your wide-eyed, 

rubber-necking,

forever faithful, 

front-seat passenger.