muy cansado

Just got back last night. There's simply so many pictures and personal thoughts to sort through at the moment. Also, very reluctantly reinstating myself back into the American life again. Did it always move this quickly?

Petén, Guatemala.

hello leo

Don't forget!

rose-colored glasses

One of my earliest memories I had growing up was during one of the summers me and my family went camping. I was about six or seven. I had just gotten one of those off-the-shelf fishing rods from a cheap convenience store, and up until then, I had never touched a fishing rod before, let alone know how to operate one. There was a little lake right beside our campsite, and as bright-eyed kids do, I eagerly ran over to test out my rod and catch some fish.

And as overzealous, ill-prepared kids do, I struggled. I just couldn't figure out how to cast the line. I barely figured out how to attach one of those shiny hooks to the other end. So I just pulled on the line until I created enough slack, grabbed the line by the hook and threw it as far as I could... which turned out to be in the shallow waters ten feet from shore. So I stood, waiting and hoping for the tide to pull the line further out. But of course, that time never came, so I had to reel the line in and throw it out as far as my skinny arms would let me.

I turned around and saw that my dad was behind me the entire time, watching me struggle but never interrupting me to take over. But just before the wave of embarrassment had a chance to settle in, he began clapping his hands and hollering with approval. And he came over and joined me. I understand now more than ever that kids' needs can be simple -- love and encouragement. Basking in that feeling -- whatever it is you call it -- when you know someone is proud of you, has no words. And for reasons unknown, he felt so proud in that moment, and I felt it. Still.

I've yet to catch my first fish and that's okay. Because there's a kind of memory that clings hard enough to remind you that it was once real, and that it was once good.

simple things

A homemade dinner, board games and a nerf gun war can easily top most Saturday nights, no matter how old you are.

Thanks for having us over, cindy and paul!

trick or treat, give me something good to eat

into the wild

I've been on quite a movie binge recently.

Happiness is real only when shared. --Chris Supertramp, Into the Wild

This movie solidified my convictions about going to Alaska even more. One day!

p.s. There are very few things that taste better than cold pizza at 2am.

blah.

Went to the Cal-UCLA game on Sat. Don't really feel like talking about it except that immediately after the game, I got a slew of phone calls and text messages from people I talked trash to for weeks now. That was really jacked up.

National championship hopes down the drain. Still doesn't change the fact that Cal is still the best team in the Pac-10, although our record doesn't show it. Sigh.

From PostSecret... this one made me laugh because it's so innocent.

As a child on my aunt and uncle's farm, I fed a chicken nugget to a chicken. I still feel guilty about it.

Hahah. I would too.

gone baby gone

I just watched "Gone Baby Gone" and now I'm distressed. I can't remember the last time a movie wrestled so much with my morals.


Ben Affleck, who would have guessed.. you're much better off as a director. Just leave the Daredevil outfit in the closet.

because it's friday

This is what happens when you put Star Wars, a trumpet, a dance routine and a deaf ear all in the mix:



Oh yea! Plus a winning attitude.

coffee at 1am

They say that when a door closes, another one opens to you. But to tell you the truth, I don't think that it's even about searching for open doors anymore.

Continuing with the cheesy metaphor -- should these doors never open again, would I manage to find contentment as a man should, or fluster as a child would?

I... I don't know.

I'll have to sleep on this one. Maybe it won't matter by morning. But I'm never that lucky.

Oh, love wash over a multitude of things

Love wash over a multitude of things

Love wash over a multitude of things

Make us whole.

-Sara Groves

second the best

I had to take a screenshot of the latest NCAA polls just to enjoy Cal's highest ranking since 1951. And to also commemorate one of the biggest, if not the biggest, upsets in college football history.. USC losing at home to the 41 pt. underdog, Stanfuuurd. Oh, and UCLA losing to Notre Dame. Lots of newsflashes this weekend.

mahalo, come again

Back from my "business trip" to Kauai. ;) Hahah. Some random thoughts/observations I had throughout the week:

• I won't dare describe the sunsets.
  
• Hawaiians are the nicest people you'll ever meet.
• Kauai is the wettest place on earth. It's fun running for cover when the sun's out shining so brightly only moments before.
  
• There are roosters and chickens everywhere. Strutting around the roads, on people's lawns, even in the dense forests. They're like the pigeons of Hawaii.
• Hawaiians end their sentences with an inquisitive "yeah?" a lot of the time.
  
• People wear Hawaiian shirts to work. And their typical work day ends around 4pm.
  
• I befriended a nice owner of a souvenir shop who turned out to be korean. When asked about my marital status, she got angry when I told her that I still unmarried. She gave me a fifty percent discount off of everything, and she also threw in a shell necklace for free. Connections!
  
• The sushi is really bad. Their cooked fish delicacies are excellent.
• It's really fun saying "mahalo" to people. I absent-mindedly said it on a couple occasions when I should have said "aloha," but Hawaiians are probably used to ignorant tourists by now.
  
• A rainbow's end really exists! Optical illusion, light refraction.. call it what you want, but it was twenty feet away from me. This wasn't like the time in third grade when I thought I found a four-leaf clover.
• I found a product called "Donkey Balls" at the local market. I really regret not buying it.
  

belief

Not completely sure what compelled me to write this.

A recent string of events, revealing conversations, and even my dreams have led me to believe that life was fighting to get my attention. And now I've reached a point where there's nothing else I can do but listen. Here are some of the things I'm hearing.

The passing of time. It's incredible what it can do to a person. A lot of hurt can be eventually forgotten. It just so happens that the valuable lessons we've learned and once swore to live by can be forgotten just as easily. Hence the reason why we continue making the same mistakes over and over again. Well, your friends love you anyway. You learn to crawl again, or maybe you're able to hit the ground running. In either case, life moves forward.

But I'm beginning to see that the older we get, the more the scenery changes and as things fade to gray, how necessary it's becoming to believe in something that doesn't. Change, that is. To believe in something that's always been there, always familiar, always accepting. Always. Best friends, lovers, family... they all come pretty close. But even then, you're left with a quiet desire that remains to be fulfilled.

And then, maybe on some idle afternoon, that desire just wakes up completely and doesn't leave you be. At first, you entertain this desire with silly questions, which quickly grows in all seriousness before you know it. After a while, it's not even about seeking the answers anymore. It evolved into a self-defense mechanism. You realize that you've ironically wrapped yourself with these questions to protect you from the answers you don't want to hear.

I believe the light is faithful enough to eventually break through any cover we place over ourselves. And the warmth it brings could feel strange at first, even discomforting to a degree, but soon you'll begin to wonder how you were ever without it. Breakthrough.

The question I ask myself is, could I live the rest of my life without feeling the assurances that christians are supposed to have? I'm not even talking about a life-lasting search for inexplicable joy and happiness. The truth is all I want. I'm willing to wrestle with it. And the way I understand it now.. joy, happiness, and an unwavering peace will soon follow. Give me the assurances.

Trying is never easy. Letting go can be impossible. At the end of the day, I might have failed miserably. Heck, even before I step out the door. But because He never changes, I swear I hope this is true, it's enough reason to keep going. I'm trying, God. For I know that I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be, and I believe the best is still yet to come.

I'm still listening. So please, speak up.

funkdefied

I went to a weekend getaway in san diego with paul, roach and butch. I think I spent most of my time playing around with GarageBand on paul's macbook. Here's a love song I composed for him. I'm calling it, Ode to Funk:



So fun. Time to really consider getting a macbook. And a harmonica.

random

I noticed that my vacuum cleaner hums in the key of F#.

human tetris

run that by me again?

Understand the following sentence? Yea, sentence. Take the time to wrap your minds around this beauty:

Buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo.

*equivalent to: Bison from upstate New York who are intimidated by other bison in their community also happen to intimidate other bison in their community.


So cool!

a blonde moment

I opened up a new pair of contacts today. It was way overdue, since I have biweekly disposable contacts but I manage to stretch them out to a month or longer. I routinely popped one into each eye, then hurried out the door to church.

Throughout the entire day, I noticed that I was experiencing blurred vision in my left eye. I've tried using rewetting drops and readjusting the position of the contact with my finger, in hopes of ridding whatever it was that was clouding my vision, but to no avail. I even tried yawning constantly, thinking that my natural tears would have a better vantage point of flushing out the problem. No luck.

The day is now ending. I just took out my contacts earlier than usual because the blurriness was giving me a headache. Out came two contacts from my left eye, the old one and the new one. I must have made the decision to crack open the new case in midst of putting on my contacts.

A sad "d'oh" from my mouth soon followed.

all you need is love

Congratulations paul and tammy... I envy you guys.

there's so much more.

Blindfolds removed. This is what happens when you decide to let go. Someone catches you, then lifts you higher than what you're really worth.

answer me this.

Borrowed from a friend's blog:

"Let me ask you something. If someone prays for patience, you think God gives them patience? Or does he give them the opportunity to be patient? If he prayed for courage, does God give him courage, or does he give him opportunities to be courageous? If someone prayed for the family to be closer, do you think God zaps them with warm fuzzy feelings, or does he give them opportunities to love each other?" -Evan Almighty.

I think there just has to be more to life than treading water, going with the current, kicking furiously just to stay afloat. I want there to be mornings where I wake up and just feel thankful to be alive. Just once.

montreal

Good times. Beautiful shot. But paul is nowhere to be seen. Wait a minute.. there he is! How many of him are there?!

*answer: five

Yes, I know. I didn't have that much else to do.

b&w

For the first time,
this song finally makes sense.

I guess certain things will only reveal their true meaning
and purpose in due time. Trying to understand now
is just a chasing after the wind

which could
never be
caught.

they call her sara b

Sigh. I could listen to her all day. And I regret not getting her autograph when I had the chance at the Hotel Cafe, because she's gonna get huge.

Get her latest album, pretty please.

the landlord

I'm SO lucky not to have dealt with these types of landlords in college...